10 Practical Tips for Getting Started

Do you ever find yourself wishing you had closer, more meaningful friendships, but you aren’t sure how to get them? Strong friendships have a powerful way of enriching our lives. They can make the fun things in life even better, liven up the mundane parts of life, and even help cushion the difficult times. Research shows that close connection supports both mental and physical health, yet many of us still feel lonely and disconnected. If you’re finding that building or deepening friendships feels harder than it should, you’re not alone. This article will explore – and overcome, some of the obstacles that may be getting in the way.

True or False?

When it comes to friendships, many of us carry assumptions about what a close friendship should look like. Below are a few common myths that can unintentionally limit how and where we form meaningful connections:

Myth 1: Everybody should have a best friend

False. There are many types of friendships, each offering varying degrees of closeness, and they all have benefits to offer. Sometimes you might have a best friend, and sometimes you might not, and that’s completely okay. You may have a close friend at work, school, or through a shared activity. Even if that person is not involved in all areas of your life, their friendship can still be valuable. And if you don’t have close friendships yet, that’s okay too. All friendships have to start somewhere.

Myth 2: Close friends should be the same age as you

False. When we limit friendships to a particular age or position in life, we can miss out on some amazing opportunities for connection. Friendships with people who are the same age, younger, and older can all offer something valuable. An older friend might share insights about parenting, career decisions, or navigating life. A younger friend might introduce you to new music, activities, or perspectives, and give you a chance to share your wisdom with them.

Myth 3: Everyone has already known their friends since childhood so it’s too late for me

False. While some people maintain friends from childhood, many people form meaningful relationships later in life. Friendships can, and do develop at all points throughout our lifespan, often through work, parenting, shared interests, or personal growth. It’s literally never too late to make a friend.

Myth 4: Social climbing is key

False. Close friendships grow from authenticity, not status. When worries about popularity, intelligence, athleticism, or success guide our choices, you are going to miss people who could have been a great friend match for you. The same goes for assuming someone is too accomplished or intimidating to connect with. Genuine connection comes from shared values, curiosity, and owning your individuality. If you need a reminder, watch any 80’s teen movie and you’ll see what I mean 😉.

Starter Tips for Growing Close Friendships

Building meaningful relationships can feel surprisingly difficult, especially as we age. Many people think it should happen naturally, but it actually requires a great deal of effort. The good news is that friendship skills can be learned and strengthened over time. Below are practical tips that you can use to begin cultivating closer, more fulfilling connections, one step at a time.

Tip 1: Be honest with yourself

Start by getting to know yourself and learn what you genuinely enjoy. If you love Star Wars, birding, knitting, roller derby, or something else entirely, own it! And if you don’t feel like you have a passion, that’s okay. Simply notice what you’re drawn to, how you like to spend your time, and what feels energizing and comforting to you. When you show up as yourself, it becomes easier to find people who resonate with you.

Friends don’t have to share all the same interests either. In fact, genuine enthusiasm for something, even if it’s not especially their thing, often makes you more appealing and easier to connect with.

Tip 2: Balance shared interests with openness to differences

It can be wonderful to have friends who share similar interests, and it can be equally enriching to form friendships with people who have different backgrounds, perspectives, and new experiences. Don’t rule out a potential friend simply because they differ from you demographically or don’t seem to like the same things you do. Some of the most meaningful connections grow out of unexpected places.

Tip 3: Give compliments

A sure way to open a possible new connection is to give someone a compliment. It can be as simple as “I like your shirt” or “I like what you said in class/meeting today.” If this feels anxiety provoking, practice to get “unstuck”. You can start by offering kind words to a stranger in a store and work your way up from there. This is genuinely how many friendships start.

Tip 4: Practice being available

Friendships often start with approachability. Small shifts can make a big difference, like keeping your earbuds out, sunglasses off, head up, and putting your phone away. Having a soft smile on your face as you look around also goes a long way to convey nonverbally that you are open and inviting connection, even before a single word is spoken.

Tip 5: Strengthen your listening skills

When someone is talking, practice being fully present with active listening techniques by making eye contact, turning your body toward theirs, and respond in ways that show you are engaged. Nodding, smiling, and reflecting back are all ways to help people feel seen and heard, which are the foundations of connection.

Tip 6: Challenge yourself to be vulnerable

Close friendships cannot fully develop if you stay entirely in your comfort zone. Challenge yourself to share more about yourself and remember that if you want deeper friendships you will need to take social and emotional risks, even when it feels uncomfortable.

Tip 7: Take the first step

It’s not fair to expect others to always make the first move. And it’s not easy to find the courage to initiate and reach out for the first time. But if both people are waiting, the connection never happens. Sometimes, you have to be the one to start the conversation, send the text, or suggest an activity. That risk is often what makes friendship possible.

Tip 8: Practice reciprocating

If someone reaches out to you, and you are interested in building a friendship, reciprocation matters, or you risk letting the possible connection die out. It doesn’t have to be perfectly balanced but consider inviting them to do something in the relatively near future. The same goes for other types of contact such as texting. And yes, you really can reach out to someone “out of nowhere.” That’s a great example of the vulnerable part.

Tip 9: Be flexible and compassionate

Early friendship is full of uncertainty and awkwardness. If you don’t hear back from someone right away, or have trouble meeting up, try not to jump to conclusions. People have busy lives and can’t always meet up for an activity for a number of reasons. Similarly, many delays and cancellations are not necessarily personal. Be mindful of any unspoken “rules” you are holding for how quickly you think someone should respond to messages and manage your expectations. Practice flexibility and compassion by giving the other person the benefit of the doubt. Over time, you can clarify your preferred ways of communicating and build trust as your friendship grows.

Tip 10: Talk to someone if you feel stuck

If you find yourself feeling stuck, discouraged, or overwhelmed in your search for close friendships, you are not alone. At Therapy Changes we understand that being a beginner isn’t easy, and building meaningful connections as an adult can be a surprisingly lonely and emotionally challenging process. It often brings up self-doubt, old relational patterns, grief over past friendships, or questions about identity and belonging. These moments can invite important self-reflection, but they can also feel heavy to carry on your own.

Working with a private practice psychologist can provide a supportive space to explore what might be getting in the way of connection, to better understand your relational patterns, and to develop practical, compassionate strategies for building healthier and more fulfilling friendships.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

Our talented team at Therapy Changes specializes in helping you navigate life transitions, relationship challenges, anxiety, self-esteem, and the emotional complexity of human connection. Therapy is not about “fixing” you; it is about helping you reconnect with yourself, clarify your values, and move forward with greater confidence and intention.

Contact Therapy Changes today to learn more about working with a San Diego psychologist. Our Client Care Coordinator will thoughtfully match you with a therapist who aligns with your goals and needs. You deserve connection, support, and a place to feel understood.

Call our office today to learn more about How Therapy Works and What to Expect and to schedule an appointment. You don’t have to walk this path alone; we are here for you.

Photo by Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash