Cultivating Calm in Crisis

As much as we hope to avoid them, at some point or another, we are all inevitably affected by crises in our lives. For example, an unexpected bill shows up, a pet or a child falls ill, your flight gets canceled, you need to have a high-stakes conversation with a loved one. All these situations have the same elements in common: they are highly stressful, short-term, and create pressure to solve the problem quickly (even if now is not the right time.)

When stress and pressure are elevated, it is hard to function at our best. You may lose sleep worrying about a problem that can’t be immediately solved. Sometimes, you may even unintentionally respond in a way that makes the situation worse. Although you cannot completely avoid crises from happening, you can learn how to manage them more skillfully using Crisis Survival Skills derived from a form of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) developed by Marsha Linehan, Ph.D., called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT).

What are Crisis Survival Skills?

Crisis Survival Skills are strategies to help you reduce the intensity of strong emotions and get through difficult moments without making things worse. These skills can also help you stay in the driver’s seat during crises, rather than acting solely on your emotions. However, these skills won’t solve all of life’s problems and should not be relied on to manage day-to-day issues. As you will see, many of the strategies involve skillful distraction and self-soothing. Although these skills may help you to feel better in the moment, they will not actually solve the problem.

You can think of Crisis Survival Skills as something like a psychological first-aid kit. Just like a first aid kit can help you get a medical emergency under control until you can receive medical attention, Crisis Survival Skills can help you to manage difficult moments until you can adequately solve the problem at hand.

Skill #1: STOP What You Are Doing

When you notice that you are in a crisis, one of the first skills that I recommend is to STOP. STOP is an acronym that can help you to slow down in a crisis. It stands for:

Stop: Stay still; do not move or act, stay in control

Take a step back: Remove yourself from the situation, take a break and breathe

Observe: Take note of what you are thinking and feeling, also notice what is happening around you with curiosity

Proceed mindfully: Think carefully about your options, reflect on whether your options will help in the long term and take deliberate, mindful action

In the situation of a heated argument, using the STOP skill might look like this:

• Stop: Take a moment of silence, tell the other person that you are getting heated and need to take a break
• Take a step back: Exit the argument for a few minutes, perhaps go to another room, and take some deep breaths
• Observe: Notice your feelings (frustration, hurt) and thoughts (i.e., “he doesn’t get it,” “she is going to leave me”); Notice what is happening (i.e., he is here and asking questions, or she is sitting on the bed waiting for me to return)
• Proceed mindfully: Although being snippy and hurting the other person may feel satisfying in the moment, it is not consistent with your goal of resolving the argument; instead, try to be kind and assertive

Skill #2: Distract

If using the STOP skill was not effective, another Crisis Survival Skill that may help is the use of distraction. The goal is to temporarily take your mind off the problem and your uncomfortable thoughts and emotions, so that the intensity of the emotions can decrease. Be clear on how long you plan to use the distraction technique, and when you will return to solving the problem at hand. Some ideas for distraction include engaging in a hobby, cleaning, helping someone else, listening to music that makes you feel different emotions, working on a puzzle, or taking a shower.

Skill #3: Self-Soothe

Yet another set of skills to help you cope in a crisis involves self-soothing using your five senses. The goal is to comfort yourself to reduce the emotional intensity, so be mindful of when you will return to the problem at a time when you feel more capable, rather than avoid the issue. Activities that are soothing to you may be different than activities that are soothing to someone else. Some ideas include smelling a scented candle or using scented lotion, wearing a fuzzy sweater or blanket, looking at photos of loved ones or a favorite place, listening to soothing music, or sipping warm tea. For more suggestions read Self-Care Made Simple With GRAPES.

My Hope for You

Hopefully, these skills will help you manage any upcoming crises that may occur in your life with increased skill and confidence. Now that you have learned several new skills to help you navigate a crisis, it is important to note that some skills may work better for you than others. Some skills may also be more effective in certain situations than others. I suggest practicing these skills in advance during stressful situations that aren’t crises, so you can identify what works for you and what doesn’t. Additionally, I encourage you to write down which skills you plan to use in advance. When your brain is hijacked during a crisis, it can be difficult to think clearly and remember these strategies.

If this article resonated with you, and you would like additional support to learn how to cope more effectively in a crisis, consider working with a San Diego psychologist who will work with you to create a plan tailored to your needs. The talented team at Therapy Changes incorporates DBT skills into your therapy so you feel more confident managing crisis situations when they arise. If you’re ready to get started, Contact Us and learn more about The Benefits of Working with a Private Practice Therapist and schedule an appointment today.

Navigating a crisis can often feel overwhelming and scary, and in these moments it’s easy to feel isolated and alone. Knowing that you’re not alone and having someone who is trained by your side to help you navigate through these difficult and confusing times can make a world of difference. Don’t wait, reach out today. We’re here to help.

Photo by Brian Fegter on Unsplash