First Day of School: Parent Fantasy vs. Reality

I’m not quite sure how it’s possible, but the summer is already winding down. In theory, part of me finds the idea of new school supplies and a fresh start appealing. It’s the same part that daydreams about celebrating the kids’ first day back – imagining us sitting around the dinner table, sharing all the exciting details of their first day. It’s a lovely thought, but years of experience have taught me that it’s more fantasy than reality. Those same years have also taught me that this is okay. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed or disappointed with your child’s first days of the school year, you’re not alone. Below are a few reminders I return to every year that help me keep perspective.

Start With the Basics

You might approach your child full of anticipation, eager to learn all about their new experiences – but they may be approaching you feeling starved, parched, and utterly exhausted. That’s a setup for a rude awakening for everyone. I’ve seen it play out this way more often than not: my previously smiling children morph into sweaty versions of themselves as they walk toward me. They turn on each other, and then launch into a rapid-fire list of urgent demands – food, water, snacks, treats, everything. When I ask what they did in school that day, they act as if I’m asking for top secret information. Within 15 minutes, everyone looks disheveled, disgruntled, and disappointed.

This is NOT the heartwarming moment I imagined it would be. That’s why it helps to focus on meeting basic needs first – a restroom break, food, water, and maybe even a nap for the littlest ones, before trying to go about their day.

Patience Pays Off

So, you’ve met the basic needs – everyone’s fed, hydrated, and rested, but your child is still not sharing much with you, and maybe they’re still not in a pleasant mood. No need to fear; sometimes they just need some more time before they’re ready to talk. It might not happen that first day, but eventually you will get a better picture of their school life. In the meantime, you can think of it as a good opportunity to practice patience (something I’ll admit, I haven’t always been great at). More than once, I’ve consulted with other moms and we pieced together bits of information like we were trying to solve a giant puzzle😉

From Crabby to Calm

Even if you meet their basic needs and summon your best patience, sometimes kids are still…just little crabs. On the surface it might seem confusing, but if you imagine the day from their perspective, it starts to makes sense.

All day while they are apart from their loved ones, they have to follow countless rules, juggle both academic and social demands, stay relatively on task, keep track of their belongings, shift gears multiple times between subjects and activities, manage basic needs within narrow timeframes for food and restroom breaks, and adapt to all new teachers.

For little ones, a “reset” might look like bath time, blowing bubbles, snuggle time, story time, free play, or enjoying nature. For older kids, it might be a hug, validating words (e.g., “That sounds really stressful”), alone time, or some fresh air might be helpful. Either way, this is not the time to introduce new demands if they can be avoided.

Regression: Two Steps Back, Big Leaps Ahead

It’s not uncommon for kids to temporarily regress in one area when they’re working hard to develop skills in another. You may remember this from their younger years. If you notice this, remind yourself that it’s likely temporary and can actually indicate growth in another area. Of course, if concerns persist, it’s always a good idea to seek professional therapy or consult your pediatrician.

Perfectly Imperfect

I was never aiming for “social media perfect” when it came to our first back-to-school days and was ready to embrace imperfection. I thought I was being reasonable in my little celebration dinner fantasy. I tried to set us up for success by bringing snacks and water to pickup, sometimes not doing pickup myself, practicing patience and validation, offering snuggles and giving space. But time and time again, what I really had to practice was radical acceptance.

Last year when we tried to sit down for our “special” dinner and a disgruntled kid stormed off, complaining about mountains of homework, I finally just smiled to myself. Apparently, we did have a tradition after all! Our tradition wasn’t the bonding, story-sharing dinner I had imagined, and that’s okay. We actually do better celebrating with a special dinner the first weekend after the first week of school. Which is good, because that gives me time to face the other reality: the challenge of tracking down those elusive school supplies.😉

Transitions – even the happy, exciting ones, can be stressful or feel overwhelming. If you find yourself feeling depleted, discouraged, or struggling with how to adjust to a new school year, you don’t have to navigate it alone.

We’re Here to Help

Your San Diego psychologist can help you develop strategies to manage stress, improve communication, and create a sense of balance during times of change. With the right tools and support, these first days (and weeks) can become less about “getting it perfect” and more about building connection, resilience, and moments that truly matter.

If you or your family could use extra guidance as you adjust to the new school year, we are here to help. Contact us today to schedule an appointment with a talented member of our team and learn more about how therapy works and how it can help you during life’s many transitions.

Photo by Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash