Finding Meaning of Pain and Suffering
By: Michael Toohey, Psy.D. | March 20, 2026
Pain is an inevitable part of being human. Whether we welcome it or resist it, it is woven into the fabric of life, sometimes showing up in ways we expect and in ways we don’t. And while pain itself is something we all experience, suffering is something different. It is shaped by how we make sense of that pain, and the meaning we assign to it.
If you’ve ever found yourself wondering “Why does this hurt so much?” or “How do I move through this?” you are not alone. These are deeply human questions, and in seeking their answers, we find an opportunity not just to endure pain, but to make sense of it. In this article, we’ll explore how meaning can shape our experience and offer ways to begin moving through pain with greater peace and compassion.
Pain Reveals What Matters
Pain often reveals what matters most to us. For example, the grief we feel after losing someone we love deeply speaks to the depth of that connection. The heartache we feel when a child leaves home is reflective of the love, attachment, and the significance of that relationship. Pain, even in its sharpest form, points us toward what is most important in our lives.
The Meaning We Give to Suffering
Viktor Frankl, the Austrian psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, taught us that while we cannot always avoid pain, we have the freedom to choose the meaning we give to it. He believed that suffering without meaning becomes despair. But when we are able to attach purpose to our pain, our experience of it begins to shift. Frankl believed that even in the harshest conditions, we have the ability to choose our response toward suffering.
This does not mean minimizing pain or pretending it is easy. Instead, it means asking:
- What is this experience teaching me?
- How is this shaping who I am becoming?
- Is there a way this pain can be carried with purpose rather than resistance?
How Pain Can Transform Us
As we begin to explore meaning, we can view pain not just as something to merely endure. It can become an opportunity to grow in resilience, deepen our inner strength, and expand our understanding of life:
- Deeper appreciation for life: The pain we feel when someone dies can open us up to a deeper appreciation of life itself. Loss can sharpen our awareness of love and bring clarity and awareness of what truly matters. In this way, pain becomes not merely something we go through, but something that can shape and strengthen us.
- Growth and resilience: Frankl developed practical ways to help people discover meaning in suffering. One approach is to focus on personal growth. Pain can motivate us to develop new coping skills, build resilience, and gain deeper self-awareness. When we take time to reflect on what our pain has taught us, we can carry those insights forward into the future.
- Greater empathy: Pain can also deepen our empathy. When we have suffered, we are often better able to sit beside others in their struggles with compassion and understanding. Our wounds can become bridges that allow us to connect, support, and care for others more fully and in more meaningful ways.
- Connection to a higher purpose: Another pathway to meaning involves connecting suffering to something larger than ourselves, or to a higher purpose. This might include devotion to a cause, commitment to personal values, prayer, or a spiritual belief. When pain is integrated into a broader purpose, it often becomes more bearable.
Accepting that pain cannot always be avoided allows us to meet it with dignity and strength rather than resistance and bitterness. Frankl called this one of our last human freedoms: the ability to choose our response, even in the face of suffering.
The Three Pillars of Meaning
Frankl described three primary ways people find meaning in life, even in the face of suffering:
- Work or Achievement: Creating, contributing to something meaningful, or dedicating yourself to a cause. This can include transforming suffering into art, service, or acts of kindness.
- Love and Connection: Loving others deeply, whether through relationships, family, or friends, can bring a strong sense of meaning through connection.
- Attitude Toward Suffering: When faced with unavoidable pain, choosing to meet it with courage, and dignity.
These pillars remind us that meaning is not something we wait to find. It is something we actively create.
Meeting Pain with Compassion
Accepting that pain cannot always be avoided allows us to meet it differently. Instead of viewing it as something to just “get through” or pushing it away, we can begin to learn how to derive meaning from pain by approaching it with curiosity, compassion and strength.
This is the freedom Frankl described: the ability to choose how to respond, even when pain cannot be avoided.
Pain may be universal, but despair is not inevitable.
You Don’t Have to Navigate This Alone
Meaning gives shape to suffering. And in choosing our response, we reclaim our strength. If you are struggling to make sense of your pain, or find meaning at this moment in your life, you are not alone. Consider reaching out to our practice to learn more about working with a therapist on our talented team. At Therapy Changes, you’ll find a safe and supportive space where you can explore your experience, process difficult emotions, and begin to make sense of what you are going through. Our San Diego psychologists are skilled and empathic when it comes to helping someone navigate their pain and suffering.
If you’re ready to take the next step, contact our office and speak to our Client Care Coordinator about scheduling an appointment. We look forward to connecting with you. You don’t have to navigate this on your own.
