Five Tips to Improve Communication

We’ve all experienced situations where we try to improve communication with someone, only to have our attempts backfire. We share our perspective, but the other person interprets it completely differently, leading to conflict or misunderstanding. While communication may seem instinctual, it requires skill and practice to confidently navigate difficult conversations. You might be experiencing disagreements with a parent, feeling misunderstood by a friend, struggling with frustration towards your children or boss, or having difficulty expressing your needs to a romantic partner. This article will provide you with five foundational communication strategies that you can start using now to help improve your relationships. The following practical tips will help you learn how to convey your thoughts effectively, listen actively, and build stronger, empathetic connections with those around you. By integrating these strategies into your daily interactions, you can foster clearer and constructive conversations as well as nurture healthier and fulfilling relationships.

Tip 1: Actively Listen

Listening well is an art that requires focused attention and concentration. Ensure that you are fully focused on the conversation and not distracted by another task during a conversation. Maintaining eye contact, if culturally appropriate, and clearly showing that you are listening to the person, and their unique perspective will demonstrate respect and reduce misunderstandings. Question your initial assumptions to remain focused and present, thereby maintaining trust and keeping the communication dynamic intact. You may want to consider practicing mindfulness or engaging in a relaxation exercise before a discussion so that you can be engaged and use active listening techniques. Focus on what is shared without interruption and judgment. Give the same amount of time, space, and respect to listen that you would hope to receive in turn.

Tip 2: Repeat Back What You Heard With Empathy

In my experience as a psychologist, I have found that information is often misheard because of judgment, lack of interest in the subject matter, or a limited emotional connection. If you feel confused about what is shared, simply repeat what you heard in a sincere and kind manner. Next, ask if your understanding is correct. Then you can clarify for detail or provide feedback. For example, “What I’m hearing is,” or “Is this what you mean?” This approach demonstrates that you are engaged and care about the other person’s perspective and concerns.

Tip 3: Pay Attention to Non-Verbal Cues

An estimated ninety percent of communication is non-verbal. That means that ten percent of what you are speaking has the capacity to increase conflict. If communication is via text message or an email, you are missing key non-verbal cues to express your point. While emoji’s and GIFS can clarify the context, it cannot convey cues made through eye contact, posture, tone of voice, muscle tension, breathing patterns, and body movement. Consider having difficult conversations in person to ensure you receive the most comprehensive information, which can help reduce misunderstandings. Remember, non-verbal cues provide additional layers of meaning and content that can sometimes outweigh spoken words.

Tip 4: Stay Calm

Engaging in difficult conversations often stimulates the sympathetic nervous system, also known as our flight-or-fight response. Stress hormones like cortisol, along with increased adrenaline and epinephrine can make it challenging to clearly communicate or hear one’s perspective. It is important to manage your emotional state to ensure effective communication, even under pressure. Relaxation strategies can significantly reduce stress and impact the sympathetic nervous system by promoting the activation of the parasympathetic nervous system, which counteracts the fight-or-flight response.

Tip 5: Practice Assertive Skills

The importance of knowing your limits allows you to clearly express your opinions with respect. Using assertive communication skills will help you convey your thoughts in a concrete and clear manner by standing up for yourself and others. It differs from aggressive communication, which can come across as domineering or demanding, and from passive communication, where one might withdraw and yield to others. One way to develop assertive communication skills is to have a clear understanding of your values. Learning assertive communication skills can also be facilitated through individual therapy.

Know Yourself

Effective communication is more than an exchange of viewpoints; it is about the underlying perceptions that impact the relationship. It is no surprise that we tend to view people through the lens of who we think they are, which is influenced by our preconceived notions, past experiences, and social narratives. This means that our understanding of someone is not solely based on their actions or words, but also on the stories we construct about them in our minds.

These perceptions can significantly impact our interactions and relations, as we may respond to the image that we have created rather than the person as they truly are. Recognizing this dynamic is crucial for fostering more authentic and empathetic connections with others. Dr. Gabor Maté and Daniel Maté’s, authors of The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture (2022) advocate for a process of self-reflection to improve our relationships and well-being.

Conclusion

Improving communication can be challenging, but it is possible. Whether you are embarking on a journey of self-reflection and discovery, practicing new skills, learning how to be more present and stay calm, or engage in face-to-face conversations, improving communication is a powerful way to enhance both personal and professional relationships. Clear and respectful communication not only helps prevent misunderstandings, but it also builds stronger connections and trust. It requires continuous practice that benefits from ongoing effort and reflection. Working with a San Diego psychologist at Therapy Changes can help you accomplish your goals and feel more fulfilled in your relationships. Contact Us today to learn more about How Therapy Works and What to Expect. Our incredibly talented team of therapists is here for you.