Understanding the Emotional Identity Shift of New Motherhood

Becoming a mother is one of the most profound and life altering transitions a person can go through – yet so few talk about how deeply it reshapes our sense of self. And while there’s a lot of focus on the baby – feeding, sleeping schedules, developmental milestones – what often gets overlooked is the inner experience of the mother. When a baby is born, so is a mother. This transition has a name: matrescence. Like adolescence, it’s a period of intense change, and understanding it is the first step toward feeling more grounded, supported, and whole.

This is the first article in a three-part series on maternal mental health, where we’ll explore the emotional, physical, and identity shifts of new motherhood.

The Emotional Identity Shift of Motherhood

A shift begins to occur for a new mother. For some, that change is subtle. For others, it feels like their entire sense of self has been flipped upside down. As a perinatal psychologist, I often hear new parents say things like, “I love my baby, but I miss the old me,” and “Why didn’t anyone tell me it would feel this challenging?”

This is the essence of matrescence – an emotional, physical, psychological, social, and yes – even spiritual – adjustment. It’s a normal, complex process, but one that isn’t always acknowledged or supported.

The Postpartum Body: Healing, Hormones, and Compassionate Recovery

• Brain: We now know that pregnancy and postpartum bring about actual physical changes in the brain. Different structures shrink or grow as the mother’s brain reorganizes to better attune to her baby’s needs. These shifts enhance sensitivity to threat, support bonding, and prioritize long-term over short-term rewards – helping her cope with the often repetitive and exhausting aspects of early caregiving. However, they can also contribute to heightened emotional responses, forgetfulness (“mommy brain”), and difficulties concentrating.
• Hormones: In the postpartum period, estrogen and progesterone levels drop significantly. This hormonal shift can cause fatigue, mood swings, and the “baby blues.” Cortisol may increase, which is the hormone responsible for helping the body regulate stress, particularly in response to disrupted sleep. These changes can leave you feeling low, foggy, and emotionally volatile. What feels like a breakdown may, in fact, be your body recalibrating. Although, if your emotional distress lasts longer than 2 weeks or feels unmanageable, please reach out to a perinatal mental health professional.
• Sleep: Sleep deprivation is a hallmark of new parenthood, as babies are learning to adjust to their new environments – just like their parents. Sleep deprivation impacts mood, irritability, and cognition. It is essential to prioritize sleep quantity and quality by utilizing healthy sleep hygiene practices and arrange overnight support, when possible. If sleep no longer feels restorative, or if you’re finding it difficult to fall or stay asleep when you have the opportunity, individual therapy with a therapist who specializes in the perinatal period will help you feel more understood, supported, and empowered during this time of transition.
• Postpartum Recovery: Many new parents are surprised by the physical and emotional recovery required after birth. Whether you experienced a complicated labor, an unplanned C-section, felt dismissed by your care team, or had a NICU stay, many parents are left processing birth trauma in silence. This is especially true for BIPOC individuals, who are more likely to experience maltreatment in medical care. Give yourself permission to grieve the birth you hoped for, while feeling grateful that your baby is here. Both feelings can be true. Allowing permission for these complex emotions can be challenging, especially when others might lack empathy. Your body has just done something extraordinary – and it deserves time, care, and gentleness to heal. Pain, bleeding, scar tissue, and incontinence can all feel surprising or overwhelming. Healing practices might include acupuncture, pelvic floor physical therapy, chiropractic care, and massage. Remember that you deserve the same gentleness and attention you so readily give to your baby.
• Body: We may look in the mirror and notice significant changes that occurred to our bodies. Changes in breast elasticity and size, stretch marks, reshaping of weight distribution, hair loss, and looseness in the abdomen are common body changes during postpartum. These new body changes can be jarring and it’s natural to grieve the body we once had. Societal expectations lead us to believe that our bodies should “bounce back” quickly, but all bodies are different and every body heals at its own pace. You are not failing if you don’t look or feel like your old self. Your body isn’t broken, it’s evolving, and it will heal in its own time and in the way that’s best for you.

If you’re asking yourself, “Who am I now? – know that you’re not lost. You are emerging, slowly and bravely, into someone new. And that process deserves every bit of care and respect. The journey into motherhood is profound and complex – filled with love, vulnerability, and transformation.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, lost, or simply in need of someone to talk to, know that you’re not alone – and you don’t have to navigate this transition on your own.

At Therapy Changes, a compassionate and skilled member of our team is here to support you through this sensitive and powerful time. Contact Us today to connect with a therapist who understands the nuances of matrescence and can help you feel more grounded, seen, and supported in your new role.

Photo by Kellen Riggin on Unsplash