How to Say Goodbye

How can we possibly say goodbye to someone we love when they approach the end of their life? It seems like an impossible task because we simply don’t want to say goodbye to the people we love – especially if we are saying goodbye forever. Facing this certainty feels unbearable. As hard as it may be, saying goodbye provides a unique and special gift: to be close, tender, and truly present with our loved one at a time when it’s needed most.

Not everyone has the chance to say goodbye. Some people miss the opportunity to say goodbye because it is too painful to acknowledge the reality of the situation. If you do have the chance, don’t waste it. By reading this article, you’ve already demonstrated courage and strength. Keep reading to learn how you can help ease your loved one’s fears and find comfort during this time of sorrow.

What To Say

There are many ways to say goodbye, and no one “right” thing to say. The most fulfilling goodbyes are sincere, meaningful messages that come from the heart and are unique to your relationship. Take time to think about what you want to say, and practice saying it. Some people write a letter to their loved one and read it aloud to them. This can help you organize your thoughts and stay focused in the moment when you feel overwhelmed.

Saying goodbye is hard and you can expect a range of emotions to arise. Tears are a normal and natural part of saying goodbye. Crying does not need to be hidden from your loved one or apologized for. Tears express your love, as well as sadness, and will help you both let go.

Not everyone is comfortable expressing themselves emotionally. And it’s natural to feel overcome during the grieving process. Try using the statements below if you feel at a loss of what to say:

• “I love you”
• “I forgive you” or “I’m sorry”
• “Thank you”
• “I understand you need to go”
• “I will miss you”
• “I will never forget you”

Consider sharing a story about how your loved one touched your life, what you admire about them, or what you will miss the most when they are gone. If either you, or your loved one are religious or spiritual, share a blessing or prayer.

When someone is dying, they usually know what’s happening. When no one around them is talking about it, they feel isolated and alone. It is important to listen to your loved one’s thoughts, fears, and wishes for their death, even though it is painful. Reassure your loved one that you understand and are ready to let them go. Help them see that they have made a difference in your life and that you will find a way to carry them with you even after they are gone.

Your ability to assure your loved one that it is alright to die when they are ready is one of the greatest gifts you can give at this time.

What To Do

Take hints from your loved one. At a point when you have said everything you need to, the focus shifts to helping your loved one feel comforted and cared for. They may want to talk to you about something or share an important message. You can ask, “Is there anything that you want to talk about?” or “What would help you feel at peace?” Dying can sometimes be lonely and impersonal because of the environment. Do what you can to surround your loved one with familiar and beautiful objects like a soft blanket, framed photographs, or flowers. Consider playing their favorite music, reading their favorite book or a poem, looking at a photo album, or sharing funny stories.

Sometimes the most touching gesture you can offer are no words at all—

just being there is a signal to your loved one of how much you care.

Physical touch is a powerful form of communication and is often overlooked during the dying process. With respect and dignity to the person who is dying, consider the following forms of gentle, loving touch:

• Rub lotion on their hands, feet, arms
• Brush their hair
• Stroke their forehead
• Hold their hand
• Rub their shoulder

Last Notes

Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, author of “On Death and Dying” considered death to be a transition to a higher state of consciousness. Her research helped us understand, and not fear the dying process. Saying goodbye is an important signal to your loved one that you’ve reached an end point in your journey together. It also signifies that we can say goodbye and still be alright. It’s a way of saying, “Thank you, I’ll be okay, and you’ll be okay.” It might seem impossible now, but you can Learn How to Be Happy Again After a Loss.

It takes courage and strength to face your fears and feel the pain. If you need support and guidance as you navigate your grief, we are here to help. Contact Us today to schedule an appointment with a talented member of our team. Professional therapy with a San Diego psychologist will help you prepare to say goodbye and assist you in your journey of healing.

Photo by NCI Visuals Online on Unsplash