What Are Your Emotions Trying To Tell You?
By: Shanni Tal, Psy.D. | July 19, 2024
Emotions are a natural part of being human, yet they are often perplexing, can be unpredictable and difficult to understand. If you grew up in a household that didn’t acknowledge a range of emotions, it may be hard for you to identify, and express your feelings. This can lead to feeling disconnected, problems with your relationships, depression, and anxiety. Harmful interpretations of emotional expression can be passed down through the generations until they are acknowledged by someone with the courage and willpower to make a change. This article will help you learn how to be aware of your emotions, and how to use your emotions to understand more about yourself and the decisions you make.
Why It’s Hard To Acknowledge Emotions
If some or all your emotions were not validated in your household growing up, it can seem daunting and overwhelming to feel them as adults. In many households, expressing emotion is viewed as unacceptable, and emotional expression is met with negative consequences such as receiving “the cold shoulder.” If you grew up in such a household, you may have learned that certain emotions such as anger or sadness are “bad” and other feelings such as joy are “good.” You may have been told “don’t cry” or “you’re too sensitive,” which led you to believe that you were flawed for feeling natural emotions.
The Importance of Understanding Emotions
When we are raised in environments where certain emotions are acceptable and other emotions are a sign of weakness, we grow up to believe that love and caring in our relationships are conditional. To cope, you might bottle up your feelings which works for a while, until the pressure builds. Eventually our emotions come out like an explosion, which can lead to disconnection in our relationships.
If we change our perspective and view emotions as a helpful tool rather than as a hindrance, we better equip ourselves to identify our true needs and desires. By managing our emotions, we can learn to effectively communicate our needs with others to maintain healthy relationships. When we know our emotions, we’re better able to accept ourselves without judgment and make wise decisions.
Benefits to understanding your emotions:
- Enhance self-awareness: Live a fulfilling life with purpose and meaning.
- Improve decision making skills: Make responsible choices by empowering action from a balanced state of mind.
- Deepen empathy: Appreciate another person’s perspective and learn how to better understand and support them.
- Learn to self-regulate: Regulate your emotions and manage stress by responding, rather than reacting to change.
- Improve social skills: Deepen and strengthen our connections to others.
How To Recognize, and Learn From Your Emotions
If you have a tendency to Shy Away From Your Feelings, it is time to change your relationship with emotions. To do this, you must challenge the narrative you grew up with. Remember that emotions are a powerful signal and can help us understand what is going on in the world around us and inform us of our next steps. For example, if you encounter a snake unexpectedly on a hike, you will likely feel afraid. Fear manifests itself in the body as tension in our muscles, a racing heart, and shallow breathing. These are signals of a threat and the emotion informs you to avoid the dangerous situation. Consider that if fear exists to keep us safe, the emotion of sadness can tell us when something is important to us, and that the emotion of love can remind us to cherish and appreciate someone or something.
How to identify your emotions:
- To start, choose an emotion and think of a time when you felt this way. You might feel proud when something goes well, disappointed when it doesn’t, relaxed when you’re with friends, etc. Ask yourself, where do you feel the emotion in your body?
- Next, expand your emotional vocabulary by referencing an emotion wheel. You might be surprised to learn about the difference between irritable and enraged, or powerful and confident.
- Keep a feelings journal and practice writing down what you feel, and why. Writing about your thoughts and feelings is a powerful tool used in action-oriented therapies and will help you learn more about yourself.
If you have trouble identifying an emotion, ask a trusted person what they’ve noticed about you when you feel happy, sad, or mad. Or enjoy The Benefits of Working with a Private Practice Therapist who will help you learn more about your specific emotional signals and patterns of expression. Working with a professional San Diego Psychologist will help you develop the tools and strategies to cope with grief and loss, manage difficult transitions and change, and overcome the Effects of Childhood Trauma.
Contact Us today to learn more about therapy and schedule an appointment with a talented member of our team. You don’t have to go it alone; we are here for you.
Photo by Gabrielle Henderson on Unsplash
